What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
