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I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Randomize
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