if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.