Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
