"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
