your room smells of hookers.
And success
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
