Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
