new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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