Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
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he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
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Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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