I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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