God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
