so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
