He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
