I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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