Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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