we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
