This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
