you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
