Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
