Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize