I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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