Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ladies don't puke and tell
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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