I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.