This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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