i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
