I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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