How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
