If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
