hotel room ftw
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
