I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
