he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
