this just has baby written all over it
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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