I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
