the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
