Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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