Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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