You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My bed smells like the plague
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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