no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
