I want to stick my p in your. b.
I cockslap morals
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
foreskin is a definite game changer
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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