Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
