I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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