Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
