it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
