My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
