i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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