She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
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He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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