yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
