FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
