my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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