My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
