yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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