they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
where are my eyebrows?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
