In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
