The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
