Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
