Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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