she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize