yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
