Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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