We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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